I'm on week 7 of my healing process ("Healing Is A Choice" book)! For the past two days I've been struggling with certain thoughts about feelings of resentment that I've had over the years towards a girl who hurt me in a very cruel manner in the past. Her name is Jenny. She is the girl who made my life a living hell when I was just 17 years old (back in '97). She decided that she was going to entertain herself and others by "humiliating" me and bringing me down with false accusations and rumors of me, only because she could not stand the notion of Alex and I being together. She liked him lots, but it wasn't just liking this guy; this girl had an obsession with the guy who was MY boyfriend at the time. It was so sickening she even confronted him at one point and told him that if he didn't accept her as his girlfriend she was going to commit suicide by slicing her veins!
Sounds psycho to you?! Oh no, I like to call that evil, devilish, and wicked! To me that girl was being entirely used by the devil himself (in person) 
. I don't know how she was able to accomplish it, but she achieved her purpose, not only by turning the entire church against me and my family (with the exception of VERY few people), but she also strongly influenced my decision to break up with Alex. Words can not describe the crisis that followed me that year in regards to that whole situation. I lost an incredible amount of weight and I also lost a lot of friends (well if you could've called them my "friends"
). She caused me a lot emotional damage, to such degree that till this day my relationships are affected in part by the feelings I developed as a result of that living nightmare I experienced in my life. Then in the end, this chick ended up marrying Alex, only to try to proof to people that if Alex and her hadn't gotten together before it was because of me. Now, what she wanted to proof to me was that she was a spoiled brat and that whatever she wanted she could get at any cost, and that she had won... Won? won what?
She made this guy's life a living hell once she married him, so much that she did with him exactly what she did to me. When she grew sick and tired of her love obsession with him (if it's true that she ever really loved him, I still question that
), she made the choice to spread numerous rumors about him in the same church, saying that he was a homosexual and that he would go to gay clubs... that this is why she could no longer be with him. She got the entire church to turn against Alex. Alex went into deep depression due to all this drama this girl caused him, and today this guy is no longer in the church anymore. All those things put together just made me so angry and awakened old feelings of resentment towards this girl and her mother. I've always questioned God's purpose concerning that whole situation, starting from the very begining. I've also waited and waited for Jenny to get in touch with me and apologize to me and my family. She's never done so; in her heart she feels satisfied with the damage that she caused people. Over the years and in my heart, that girl has always been my enemy and I've hated her with passion... yes, I admit it, I have hated her that way. Now as I'm reading my book of "Healing Is A Choice", I've been forced to search for old feelings of anger, hurt, pain and resentment so that I can bring them forth and work with them once I've recognized them. Then I will be able to let go of those feelings that have been keeping me a prisoner all these years so that I am able to free myself and sincerely experience the transformation and healing that I so long for. So two days ago, when I prayed to God about these feelings of resentment I've been holding onto through the years, I asked Him to reveal to me what it is that I need to do so that I can forgive this girl... Week 7 of my book is entirely about the choice to forgive and in today's devotional section I found the answer to my prayer!
God is GOOD! Isn't He wonderful?!!
And so I would like to share the section that I read this morning and hopefully it can be useful to anyone who may be experiencing feelings of resentment and who may be needing to confront those feelings in order to be free and find happiness and healing.
Sounds psycho to you?! Oh no, I like to call that evil, devilish, and wicked! To me that girl was being entirely used by the devil himself (in person) . I don't know how she was able to accomplish it, but she achieved her purpose, not only by turning the entire church against me and my family (with the exception of VERY few people), but she also strongly influenced my decision to break up with Alex. Words can not describe the crisis that followed me that year in regards to that whole situation. I lost an incredible amount of weight and I also lost a lot of friends (well if you could've called them my "friends"). She caused me a lot emotional damage, to such degree that till this day my relationships are affected in part by the feelings I developed as a result of that living nightmare I experienced in my life. Then in the end, this chick ended up marrying Alex, only to try to proof to people that if Alex and her hadn't gotten together before it was because of me. Now, what she wanted to proof to me was that she was a spoiled brat and that whatever she wanted she could get at any cost, and that she had won... Won? won what? She made this guy's life a living hell once she married him, so much that she did with him exactly what she did to me. When she grew sick and tired of her love obsession with him (if it's true that she ever really loved him, I still question that), she made the choice to spread numerous rumors about him in the same church, saying that he was a homosexual and that he would go to gay clubs... that this is why she could no longer be with him. She got the entire church to turn against Alex. Alex went into deep depression due to all this drama this girl caused him, and today this guy is no longer in the church anymore. All those things put together just made me so angry and awakened old feelings of resentment towards this girl and her mother. I've always questioned God's purpose concerning that whole situation, starting from the very begining. I've also waited and waited for Jenny to get in touch with me and apologize to me and my family. She's never done so; in her heart she feels satisfied with the damage that she caused people. Over the years and in my heart, that girl has always been my enemy and I've hated her with passion... yes, I admit it, I have hated her that way. Now as I'm reading my book of "Healing Is A Choice", I've been forced to search for old feelings of anger, hurt, pain and resentment so that I can bring them forth and work with them once I've recognized them. Then I will be able to let go of those feelings that have been keeping me a prisoner all these years so that I am able to free myself and sincerely experience the transformation and healing that I so long for. So two days ago, when I prayed to God about these feelings of resentment I've been holding onto through the years, I asked Him to reveal to me what it is that I need to do so that I can forgive this girl... Week 7 of my book is entirely about the choice to forgive and in today's devotional section I found the answer to my prayer!God is GOOD! Isn't He wonderful?!! And so I would like to share the section that I read this morning and hopefully it can be useful to anyone who may be experiencing feelings of resentment and who may be needing to confront those feelings in order to be free and find happiness and healing."Don't wait until they ask. You must not get hung up on whether or not someone wants to be forgiven or deserves it. If you wait for others to want forgiveness, you might waste your life waiting for something that will never happen. The hardness of another person's heart is not an excuse for you to harden yours. Forgive freely even when the offenders are unaware they hurt you. Forgive even though others deny that your pain is their problem. Give them forgiveness from your heart so your heart can be free. You don't have to confront someone to be able to forgive them. I think such confrontations often cause more problems than they solve. They immediately put others on the offensive, or at least they're likely to. I think it is better to just forgive the person. Let it go, and get on with your life. If you need to document what happened, write it in your Bible or journal."
Wow, tough words, but in them, just by reading them I can see the healing that takes place if only I decide to apply that principle to my life.
My act of healing and prayer for today is: I am declaring this day the day I choose to move forward and not look back.
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