At Peace With Myself... :)

I had been struggling with a horrible feeling of sadness and loneliness for a few days, prior to my huge excitement of knowing that I am going to Cali soon to visit one of my bestest friends, Tony.  I am currently in a very peaceful mood. I feel happy.  Well, it's always about my special friend Tivon. It's no big secret to most of you reading this. Yes, I know... I can't seem to get that guy out of my mind/life. And just when I think "that's it, our friendship is over!", it's either he comes back with reconciliation deals or it'll be me. I guess we've mended and made peace once again, today. I honestly got to the point last week where I didn't want his friendship anymore. I had been praying to God to help me forget him and I started to engage in out-of-the-routine activities to keep me busy and not think of him. My plans of going away to California sort of faded my sad feelings about Tivon's and my situation (since I've been soooo ecstatic lately about my trip!). But still, I had an emptiness feeling in my heart. Then, it made me feel at peace when I read his detailed e-mail this afternoon and it made me change my mind (AGAIN!) about not wanting to be friends with him. I know we can't be, meaning we won't ever be have a chance at "us", and this has been the hardest part for me to accept--it hurts. It seems, I guess, that the friendship must continue. We just can't seem to cut each other out of our lives. I don't think I am attached to him anymore as I once was, but something about his e-mail to me made me think and reconsider the firm decision I had already made. He's not a bad person. He's not trying to hurt me on purpose, it's just it's not meant for us to be together--and everytime I kept thinking that that was the only way I wanted him in my life it kept messing up our friendship. I've come to the conclusion that I need to accept him as a friend and stop seeing him as a potential candidate in my love life. So, realizing and accepting this concept has brought me peace of mind and has most definitely relieved the hurt, pain, anger and resentment I felt towards him. I thank God for finally allowing me to view this situation from a different angle. I pray that He continues to enlighten me in other aspects of my life and that I may continue to grow into a wise, strong, healthy and confident woman by His grace... Thanks my precious, Jesus once again. I love you!