Show me how YOU want to use me!

I don't know if I told any of you about my struggle on finding a church and deciding on one to attend to on a regular basis. I just couldn't find myself and I never felt right anywhere I went. I mean, I know tons of people in many different churches here in New York (I grew up here afterall, and let's face it, I'm Gri! lol haha), but I just didn't feel like any of them was a church I could become involved and active in. I was really worried about this situation, because I longed to be part of a church, I just didn't know which one. I began to pray and to make this my main topic whenever I would speak to God. I also asked a few of my trustworthy friends to pray for me in regards to this current battle. I prayed that God showed me how He wanted to use me and to reveal to me which church was the one He wanted me to go to. LOL haha I laugh now, but I remember fighting, arguing and pleading with God (cause it's what I do best! lol) and requesting Him "Show me how YOU want to use me. Show me Your plan and reveal to me the purpose that You have for my life. What do you want me to do for Your cause?!"

I can't remember the exact date, but about 3 1/2 weeks ago I received an answer to this forever-implored petition. I got a phone call from my good friend Ernesto Miranda. He sounded a little stressed out and in a way, a bit rushy. He asked for my dad's phone number, that he needed to get in touch with him. Ernesto wanted to invite him over to his church to preach. He also told me that he was now the new missionary work director of his church and that there was a lot of work involved in this new responsibility-- he needed a ton of help. Right that instant, something inside me felt an urge to tell him "I will help you out", but it was as though, some sort of force of fear wouldn't allow me to ennunciate those words that were on my mind and that I was being told to say to him. He talked again about the incredible work needed to be done in his church and once again I felt that voice pushing me to "tell him that you will be his help". But once more, I allowed my fears to take over and there was no way I could get those words to roll out of my mouth. Ernesto and I finally hung up, but a greater power kept making me feel unsettled and restless-- I should call Ernesto back and tell him I was going to help him.

I remember driving to pick-up my mom at work soon after my conversation with Ernesto had ended. As I drove, I kept hearing that voice I had heard earlier inside my head. It kept repeating over and over again that I should call Ernesto back. I picked up my mom at work. I don't know why, but she immediately began to talk about how she longed for me to pick out a church to attent to every week. She stressed how I needed to become involved, participate, because in doing so my spiritual life would strengthen.

I had already heard those words from Tony. I also read them in my "Healing Is A Choice" book, where it said that part of that healing process I wanted to experience was going to take effect when I made the choice of becoming active in a church or a community--connecting with others and growing, hence helping one heal their past. Not only had I now heard these words from Tony, my mom and that book, but God had already been speaking to me by depositing in my heart that thirst/interest/desire to need to find a church for me to grow in.

That afternoon when I got back home, I called Ernesto right away and left him a message in his voicemail. I told him I would also start attenting his church that coming Saturday. That Sabbath finally came (about 3 days later). It's amazing the things that the devil will make happen when he knows you are trying to do God's will and you are sincerely making choices to devote your life to God's cause. That Sabbath morning, my dad suffered a very scary incident while he was in the bathroom. He fainted and fell in the bathtub, causing him to have a minor injure on his head. My mom found him lying down and boy, was that the scare of my life or what?! My mom helped him to their room and began to massage him. We began to pray right away and she also made phone calls to their church to inform them that my dad couldn't make it to church that morning (I believe he was supposed to preach too).

Anyways, little by little he regained his strength, but it wasn't enough for him to be able to leave the house, so instead he remained home, taking lots of rest. I was already dressed and ready to leave to church, but had second thoughts on the whole notion, because I was going to have to maybe drive my dad to the hospital or something. My dad said not to worry, to go to church. He told my mom to go with me as well.

When we arrived to Spanish Washington Avenue, everyone welcomed us very warmly... this had been my home church from 1997 to 2000, and being there again with old friends made me feel such an assurance that I had for so long searched for. I knew from then on this was the church God had directed me to.

Yesterday was my third consecutive Sabbath going to Sp. Washington Ave. and I still feel sure that the Lord brought me there with a purpose and plan. I couldn't be happier to know that even in such "minor" details such as asking God to help me choose a simple church, He is most definitely directing my life and I know from here on, things will only start to get better. This is only the beginning of great things to come...

I am forever thankful to You LORD Jesus. You've answered my prayer!

"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD , endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands." -Psalm 138:8