Be still and know I am God...

I am such a stubborn child. I often wonder about how many times has God had to look down on me and laugh hysterically. Other times just stare at me, nodding His head, "Oh, you helpless child...". I have prayed and have genuinely desired that He changes and transforms my character... Then, the moment He is at work--answering that prayer--I panic and question Him: "Who's side are you on anyway??", "Why are you doing this to me?", "Are you serious? Did you not promise me...? am I not your child?!". And then there have been those other times when I've been able to endure the trials that He's put me through. Now is a time in my life when I've sadly doubted Him and His purpose--what He is doing for me. I am encountering such a difficult situation at my job and I admit, I've repeatedly thought that He is not taking care of me-- that He is not doing His job correctly. Shame on me, I know. I don't understand why I've previously been able to remain calm during the storm and I've been able to wait on Him. I don't understand why at this time though, I am not able to fully trust that He is at work and that no matter how difficult this current crucible is, it is all going according to His plan. I pray that He allows my faith to grow; that He strengthens it. I want to believe, know and have the assurance that He is allowing all of this to take place, because He has a special purpose for me. I try to make things "right", I guess in hopes that I "help" Him do His job better. And how dangerous! Because the more I intervene in the work that He is doing, the more I prolong His plans for my life and His ability to grant me what He has for so long wanting to give me.

Lord, I just want you to remove this stubborn heart and mind of mine. I don't want to live my life based on emotions and feelings... I want to walk and live by FAITH. I feel so restless and exhausted, trying to do things by my own efforts. No wonder I am so tired. Please fill me with Your peace. Let me learn to let go. Let me TRUST You and rest assured that there's nothing I need to worry about. You are GOD, and that alone is sufficient. Teach me to "be still and know that [You] are GOD"...  -Psalm 46:10