Sad...

It's a gorgeous, sunny, Sabbath morning... Instead of smiling, I'm all sad and feeling gloomy, both on the inside and the outside.  I just want to cry away all these sad emotions out of my system so that I don't ever have to feel this way again )':  

I miss him.  I love him.  It seems though, that he's trying to push me away and it hurts so bad.  It's been at least 4 years since I've felt this type of pain in my heart.  I've been trying with all my might to be strong and not go through another heartbreak, but I guess I've been beaten down.  I'm feeling so vulnerable right now.  I have so many mixed feelings, too--the more I think about it, it just keeps making me sink deeper into the sadness that already exists.

Why can't he understand how much he hurts me?  Isn't he supposed to be my best friend?  Then why does he hurt me?  Funny how he expressed, some weeks ago, how he would never try and hurt me intentionally or unintentionally.   Could it be that he purposely lied?  Or is he genuinely that innocent and completely clueless about how he's making me feel right now?  It still makes me sad, either way...

Love is the person you think about during the sad songs.

Been listening to some sad love songs and every word/lyric speaks to me.  It identifies both him and I, but especially me.  I'm so sad... I don't want to keep hurting like this anymore.  Please, GOD, if You truly love me, please make it stop.  If it's true that You hurt when one of your children suffers, then please, I beg You, take the pain away.  I can't stand suffering over this guy who isn't and has never been mine.

Please, don't leave me here hurting alone--drowning in all this agony.  I've stayed single for so long, trying to follow Your counsel, so that I avoid exactly this: heartbreak.  I do expect You to reward me for staying single this long.  It has been my pledge to You so that You know and understand how serious I am about not wanting to ever go through heartbreak again.  Yet, here I am 5 years later, and why am I experiencing all this pain?  I feel like my heart has been toyed around with.  Please, JESUS, make it stop.  Dry my tears and replace them with tears of joy.  Otherwise just paint a huge smile on my face without the need of that boy.  

I don't want to be defeated by pain and sadness,  please grant me this wish... Comfort me, give me Your peace.  Help me forget him--erase him from my thoughts.  I only deserve to be with someone who brings me constant joy.  I want only what You know will bring me true happiness.  Please, help me forget.  Heal me.  Rebuild me.  Make me a strong, confident Godly woman.  Don't let me hurt like this ever again.

Give me Your word and assure me that You will make this happen.  Please hurry--don't take too long.  I'll continue to follow Your counsel, just please pull through with Your end of the promise.  Don't let me be controlled by feelings of sadness and deception.  Free me from wrongful emotions.  Help me feel Your tender love and care.  Quiet me down with Your peace.  I wait, once again, on You...